October Rules

I swear if I see one more angel number pop up, I'm going to become delulu enough to believe I can make all of my dreams come true. I don't know; I'm kind of there already if I'm being honest. My chosen Momma got me into conscious creation, and honestly it's pretty fascinating. So stay tuned for that exploration in the coming weeks. I've always believed in manifestation, and I know some of you think that's just nonsense. Which I'm totally fine with because, honestly, that's valid. I've come to realize there's always something I'm exploring as I make my way through life. I don't know if it's sheer curiosity or if I'm just nosy, but there's always something I'm newly into. 

Speaking of newly into, I did my first project for my new class, and that was also fascinating. Though I think the intellectual property section might just make my head explode. Who knew there were so many different ways content can be used and protected. Obviously, I had some idea because my blog is copyrighted and I own all of its content. But it was cool to see how things like streaming services use content. It also taught me I need to get way better at understanding analytics. Especially the music ones, because those will be kind of important. I'm going to work on my songwriting class here this evening. That one is also going to be fascinating and require me to take a bunch of notes. I'd forgotten how little I actually pen and paper write cause my handwriting is deplorable. Haha. It's pretty much just chicken scratch these days, so I might want to do more writing before I completely forget how to do so legibly. Okay, who am I kidding? My handwriting has always been chicken scratch. haha

The weather is finally getting kinda cold at night. So, of course, I had the bright idea of sleeping with one of my windows open, even though ragweed is my nemesis. I'd forgotten how loud the city is at night, so there is definitely a nap in my future cause sleepy. There are also dishes in my future because the kitchen apparently doesn't clean itself. I thought we'd be further ahead, technology-wise, and have self-cleaning stuff. Who dropped the ball on making that happen? I also gained another Tupperware lid this week. How is my dryer so hungry for socks? Sheesh. I don't know what else to feed it, though, so I guess I should just buy more socks? 

Mental health-wise, things are gouda. Nothing much is happening there, which makes me incredibly happy. Weight-wise, I'm shrinking rapidly and incredibly excited about it. I've come to realize I'm a volume eater, and I've found salads without diarrhea lettuce to make to fill me up. It's broccoli and cauliflower based so def pretty filling and delicious. Though I did make soup last weekend, and it was divine. So I guess I'm going to be rotating things like that to help keep me on track and out of the cookies. I don't know about you guys, but I struggle with binge eating these days. Way more than I used to, and part of that could be that the antipsychotics cause weight gain. It could also be that I'm a hungry hippo with little to no self-control when it comes to sweets. Either way, I've decided not to buy them and trust my luck without them. It's only been mildly successful, so I'm hoping this next week is much more successful. If anyone has any tips or tricks, I'm all ears because that one needs to be conquered. I'm just taking it one day at a time and adjusting as I go. Which is easier for me because when I make big plans, I'm more likely to get overwhelmed and just give up.

Otherwise, it's been a pretty typical week. I am going to do my first article (yeah, I procrastinated again) tomorrow so I can get that done. I'm unsure of why I procrastinate even when something is super easy. You'd think I'd just go, "Let's get this done," but instead I bury my head in the sand and think it'll do itself, which I really need to work on. I guess I do have a long list of things I need to do. Funny how we forget that until we write it down, and we're like, oh, had I made a list, I probably would have remembered. I guess it's a little like writing a list for the grocery store and leaving it on the counter. Then going to the grocery store without it and buying nothing you actually needed. I just order everything online because I'd just come home with snacks. Especially this time of year because I need pumpkin everything. I mean, technically I want it, but I also deeply need it, so there's that. I have, however, been a good egg and only bought candles aside from the aforementioned pumpkin roll from a couple of weeks ago. I need them to make mini ones for people who are on strict diets because if I buy a big one, I will eat it. Probably in one sitting; hence, I can't even buy it, which is all kinds of wrong.

I suppose I've ignored the dishes long enough. Wish me luck. haha. Make sure you make your list and get your chores done. Or if you're working, maybe write one for whenever you eventually have time off to do such things. Whatever you do, I hope you have an amazing week!

~Until next time, be good to each other.~

Dreams Matter

 It's Saturday; football season is upon us, and the weather is cool enough to have the windows open. I don't know about you, but that kind of sounds like heaven. It kind of feels like it too. I had to put a hoodie on yesterday because it was chilly with the windows open. Yeah, I would rather put a hoodie on than close the windows. I'm making vegetable soup today because it feels like soup season, and because it's nutritious and fills me up, which is kind of essential to weight loss. But mostly just because I love veggie soup. I've now lost 32 pounds, and honestly I'm loving watching the scale drop more and more. I feel a lot better in my body even if my knee is still cranky.

Sometimes it feels like your dreams are so far away. Until you realize they aren't and that they're completely within your grasp. I've made quite a few changes to my life recently, slowly, of course. But they feel good, and it's crazy to me that things that once felt impossible suddenly feel very possible again. It's been a long road, as you guys well know. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am now and how okay I feel in myself. For so long, I was struggling with mental illness. Fighting with my meds and resenting my needing them in the first place. But that's given way to acceptance and honestly appreciating the meds and my doctors. Because it all gave me my life back. No one wants to have a mental breakdown or be diagnosed with a couple of mental illnesses. But I'm past the part where it bothers me and just thankful that the meds let me live a normal, healthy life.

This Fall I'm just looking to being alive and soaking up all the things I love about Fall and Halloween. I have always loved Fall because of the changing leaves and their beautiful colors. But also how the air, when it's chilly, carries the smell of bonfires and burning leaves. I love the tranquility of Fall and the magic that Halloween carries. I love scare actors and haunted houses as long as I'm not in them. Haha. I've always been that way. I don't particularly enjoy being scared, but I do really enjoy the ambiance of the season. We need to go apple picking so I can make some homemade applesauce because duh, that's amazing. I doubt I'll carve any pumpkins cause I don't have a porch to put them on. So I'll just enjoy all the pumpkin spice candles I can get my hands on. My chosen parents have their Christmas tree up, and I'm knee-deep in all things pumpkin spice with my kiddos. And honestly, I love that because it means everything is normal and normal is great. 

I think it's due to some personal growth and making peace with things I couldn't control in life when I was younger. I have decided that Thanksgiving isn't the enemy, and I'm just too lazy to be bothered with all the food. I would love to say that I want to participate in the holiday tradition, but I think I'd rather take a nap. So while I don't dislike it anymore, I kinda doubt I'll be up to my elbows in food anytime soon. Especially because Big C makes dinner for the kiddos and they all enjoy it. But here's to personal growth and laying some demons to rest forever. 

I think with time and clarity I've decided that some people and situations just needed to go for me to learn to live life on my terms again. I can't change the past, but I can definitely change the future. I don't regret the removal of certain people from my life. In fact, it was a long time coming. So the future isn't about repeating the past or setting myself up for failure. It's about personal growth and planning the life I truly want to live. Part of dealing with suicidal issues and self-harm is realizing the things that hurt don't always deserve to hurt forever. Some people, places, and things need to stay gone for you to find harmony within yourself. You can forgive yourself but still know that you have to love some people from a great distance for your mental and emotional well-being. Not everything you lose or have to put boundaries against is a loss. Some of it is an unplanned blessing you waited a long time to fulfill.

Today I'm going to make soup, play my music loud enough to annoy my neighbors a bit. I might even take a nap because I've had too much caffeine and it makes me sleepy. I have the weirdest body, I swear. If I drink more water, I'll feel energized, but honestly I like naps, so I'll probably just take one for funsies. Whatever you are doing today, I hope you love it, and it makes you happy. If you're working, it's okay to think "bah, I'm working and I don't wanna." We can love what we do for a living with our entire beings and still want to disconnect and take a break. Getting up and being productive all the time can get old. So maybe do the adult thing and then do something fun as a reward. If no one has told you today, I'm proud of you, and I hope that life is exactly what you wanted it to be. 

~Until next time, be good to each other.~