I'm 98% sure it's Saturday until I realize it's Sunday, and now I'm just wondering where the weekend went. Granted, tomorrow is a holiday here in the US, so I think me keeping track of the days is probably a lost cause. Counting calories and my intermittent fasting is definitely a good cause, and it's working really well. I had two wow moments this week, and I'm still amazed at them. We get used to how we look in the mirror, and I think sometimes we become blind to what we really look like. At least I do. Throughout this whole weight-loss process, I kept looking in the mirror for confirmation that the weight loss was actually happening. I kept getting the same old reflection, and honestly, it was making me mad. The scale kept going down, but the mirror didn't shift. Only it did, and I just didn't notice until it was super obvious.
I looked in the mirror a few days ago, and all I could say was, "Wow." Over and over and over again, in surprise. Then yesterday I was walking past the mirror and had to take a look. Sure enough, my butt is even smaller than it was, and my stomach is looking a lot smaller. For someone who has struggled with their weight their entire adult life, it's a pretty miraculous thing to look in the mirror and see yourself shrinking. I have always had some pretty significant self-esteem issues and have always been overly critical of myself. That hasn't changed much, though I have gotten really comfortable with my face and body the last couple of years. So I kind of feel like I'm giving myself little pats on the self-esteem train as this process unfolds. I made a promise to myself to get my new knee this year, and I'm going to make it happen. That way I can plop my skinny butt on a Florida beach next summer and hang out with my chosen parents. I mean, let's be real: I miss them and home a whole lot. It's way past time I spent some quality time with them and my kiddos. Though I see my kiddos regularly and talk to them even more. Michael came over and hung out today, which was a great surprise. He works 3rds, so it's not super often he has enough energy after work to chill. Though I do see him pretty often after work. He was one with my beanbag chair, which honestly just made me happy.
Christian and I were talking yesterday about my decorating style, or lack thereof. He described it as a Pinterest board because it has a theme: music, of course. But it's also a bunch of cool shit, and honestly, no compliment has ever felt greater. Or more accurate. I have a very definite sense of style and an aesthetic but zero Martha Stewart abilities. The first things I bought for my apartment were Jackson's stand, where his urn will be forever, and the artwork for my walls. This is the first time I've ever lived alone, and I got to decorate it exactly how I wanted. So of course there are fairy lights, a beanbag chair, my guitar, etc. It's just me, and honestly, I never thought about what it looked like to other people. But calling it a bunch of cool shit is a pretty solid compliment, and I thought it was hella cool.
I bought some clothes this week that are two sizes smaller than what I wore last spring, and that was also hella cool. My wardrobe needed a couple more alt pieces for concerts and girls' nights out. Not that I get to do a lot with my knee in its current situation. But the wardrobe needed some love, so I made sure it got it. I haven't done anything with my work wardrobe simply because I just wear dresses. At previous jobs, I always wore pants, which surprises people. I just got tired of trying to find pants that fit my ass and weren't too long. So I eventually gave in and just bought a crap ton of dresses. Then I figured out they are so much easier than finding pants. So dresses it is. The good part is you can lose as much weight as you want, and they still fit until you've lost tons of weight. My dresses definitely go down about 5 inches more than they used to at the hem now. So it probably won't be long until I'm buying more of those in a smaller size. It's a lot more exciting to go clothes shopping when you're buying a smaller size, that's for sure.
Mental health-wise, it was a quiet week for the most part. I dunno what's in the air lately, but I fell asleep after work two days in a row, so much for not getting behind on my homework. Which reminds me, I need to log in and catch up on my classes. 'Cause I certainly didn't open my laptop this week; I was snoozing. Michael actually heard the knocking I hear today which is a relief. I guess that one is real because it's definitely not a mass hallucination. haha. Where it comes from is another guess cause I'm not entirely sure. He said probably the condenser on the freezer? I'm not sure, but it's good to know the Invega definitely has my space a little less crazy. Cause genuinely, I'm crazy enough; I don't need more help in that department.
I guess it means I need to do my homework and finish my chores. Unless one of you wants to do it for me while I take a nap. No? Fine. haha. Off I go with my terrible handwriting to take notes and learn lots of cool stuff. But ah, the dishes, they're going to wait because I really don't want to, and frankly, I make the rules, so I'm not gonna. Until tomorrow, anyway cause I can't escape that chore forever. Or can I? Just kidding. I'll definitely do them tomorrow because I gotta have a clean kitchen before my work week starts. Even if I am working from home for the next couple of weeks. Actually, that might be even more reason to finish the chores, because who wants to work and look at a mess? Not me. That would definitely feel like living in a depression pile, and we don't do those anymore.
~Until next time, be good to each other.~