I saw a post today where a lady said more women needed to “Live life out loud” so other women could learn from it. It made me chuckle because my header on all my social media for almost 20 years has been a picture of a flaming guitar with the words Live life out loud on it. As a lot of you know, one of the things I am most respected and admired for online is my blog. It’s always been me living my life in real time honestly. We as human beings live our lives in real-time, influenced and affected by the things around us. My social media presence has introduced me to some of the closest people in my life. We don’t all think or feel things the same nor should we have to.
I’ve gotten criticism
from people about being so open or having a public platform where I talk about
my life. People are entitled to their opinions and beliefs. But just because
other people don’t have the courage or understand doesn’t mean I need to
explain or adopt their beliefs. Then there is of course the I wouldn’t care if
you weren’t talking about me people. I can guarantee those people are literally
the last people on my mind. I really don’t care enough about a lot of things in
life to even waste brain power on it.
Liivng life
out loud to me means being transparent about struggles and successes. One of
the big things the last couple of years has been my mental health. It’s insane
to me, no pun intended, that I am on the third recreation of my life and I’m only
46 years old. God I hope this is the last one though because this girl is
tired. Haha. But the entire point of the mental health conversation is……. You guessed
it. So that the people around me don’t feel so alone in their own struggles. We
have a community here and that community has always been really special and
important. Your mental health, courage, determination, and successes in life
should be celebrated. I know a lot of you don’t have your own cheering squad
but you have me. And I’m so incredibly proud of every single one of you who get
up every day tired from the day before and still kick ass regardless.
By the way, my
sincere apologies for not responding to DMs lately. I know I’ve kinda been mia
and those bad boys are now numerous. I’mma get to them this week, I promise.
My life hasn’t
been a cakewalk, and I’ve made bad decisions. I own them. I hold myself
accountable for them and I’ve always been honest about them. I’ve not always
been able to look myself in the eye in the mirror. I have my regrets and things
I need to make peace with. We all do. If you don’t, how’s that lying to
yourself going?
But my life
has also been really dope and full of super cool stuff. Through my blog and
online presence, I’ve made some of my best friends. I’ve met some of the best
people I’ve ever met on here. My kids and I have all grown up in front of
you. I’ve made memories I’d never want to forget. I’ve had interactions with so
many artists that I would never have had if I hadn’t been here. I’ve made a
million good and bad memories on the grand stage of public writing. What we
have created together lasts forever both in our lives and on here. They always
say the internet is forever and it really is. Haha. I’ve been able to open a
window into who I am instead of just being who people think I am or who I
should be. What other people expect isn’t really a reflection of who any of us
are. So much of that has had a big impact on who I grew up to be.
Without the
ability to live my life out loud in real time, my life would look very
different. I’m glad it doesn’t look different. I’m grateful that I’ve had the
space and the friends I have to be myself. For a troubled kid to grow up to be
who I am is a pretty cool journey. I had lived my entire life being the round
peg trying to go into a square hole. I never fit in. I never felt like I fit in
and I still don’t fit into certain aspects of life. I didn’t feel understood or
relatable. I felt broken and unwanted, and like I would never measure up.
Until I stopped judging myself by other people's expectations. Until I realized
that you aren’t going to always resonate with people who aren’t your tribe. I
also learned that it’s okay to not always resonate with people.
No one knows
what adoption feels like unless they're adopted. I know that offends some people but
it’s true. Not everyone feels adoption the same way. Some people feel happy,
feel like they belong where they are, and love being adopted. I’m not one of
them. I’ve never been one of them. Being adopted has been more of a curse than
a blessing for me. Some people say that’s ungrateful. It’s not. How would it be
ungrateful to dislike changes people made to your life without your permission?
What I find baffling about that whole thing is how people assume not liking
being adopted means you hate your adopted family. That’s also wildly untrue. I
love my siblings, aunts and uncles. I adored my grandparents. I still to this
day call them my hero and my angel because that’s what they’ve always been to
me. They were as I’ve said a million times the best part of being adopted.
All of this
would have festered in me had I not had this really cool outlet. Had I not had
this blog or met the people I met I never would have felt any differently. Now
I have a place in the world where I feel accepted, happy, and able to just be
my dorky self.
Living your
life out loud is literally a blessing. It’s such a uniquely cool experience
that I hope everyone gets to experience in life. So don’t be afraid to be you.
You never know who is going to admire you for it.
Love you guys.
~Until next
time, be good to each other.~