We used to do these every year and there are a lot of them. They mark your life as you grew up to be who you are today. All of those adorable quirks of yours, silly moments in history, and life lessons are captured in this blog. I will eventually turn this blog into a book and you'll have your own chapters. A tangible story to hold and come back to when you need to. But there is one part of your story that has never been told. You've heard bits and pieces told over the years. But now on your 21st birthday, it seemed fitting it was told. You've done big things these last couple of years. This last year was a huge challenge and your triumph so incredible to watch. Learning how strong we are as people is often incredibly difficult and often painful. But some strengths we're just born with and you baby boy are one of the strongest there is.
You always hear people talk about miracle babies and sometimes I wonder if you know you are one. Mental health is tough and being an adult isn’t always easy. But you fought so hard to be here. We always joke about how sick I was when I was pregnant with you, and I was. But what we don’t talk about is how strong your will to survive was. From almost the moment you were conceived our bodies decided to yeet the other one. Haha. I had my first major bleed with you when I was only 24 weeks (6 months) pregnant. They told me if I could make it to 28 weeks (7 months) then you had a 50/50 shot at survival.
They put me
on bed rest and doing anything more than showering made me bleed again. The
bleeds were insanely painful and incredibly scary. Your food source was broken yet
you thrived. Through three massive bleeds, you continued to thrive and make me
puke. At that point, I was happy to puke because it meant you were holding on.
It was a race against time, and you won. When I hemorrhaged that last time that
put me in the hospital, we thought that was it. My body was barely hanging on
and bleeding more every day.
They did an
amnio on a Monday a couple of days after my hospital stay began. They were
hopeful that your lungs would mature, and they could take you via emergency cesarian.
Your lungs weren’t ready and so started what we thought would be a long
hospital stay. Apparently, you had other ideas because a few short days later
on Friday I started leaking amniotic fluid. You were coming into this world
ready or not as the emergency cesarean followed that discovery. You came into
this world screaming. Your Dad and I looked at each other like "wow." Your lungs were perfect. Some how in four days you said okay now I'm ready. You were healthy
and whole and somehow even a month premature a whopping 7 pounds 11 ounces. I don't know who was more surprised us or the doctors. And so your adventure began.
You continued to thrive despite getting sick more easily than most. If there was an award for determination and stubbornness you would definitely have a gold medal. That fire has dimmed at times but never faltered. I hope you never lose that edge and always find time to hone it.
Life has and is going to feel big and scary a lot of times in your life. Whether it be mental health, work stress, or just general life nonsense. Growing up isn’t always an easy thing to do. You won’t always have the right answer and that’s totally okay. When people have kids, they usually have a preset idea of who they want their kids to be. Don’t be afraid to flip life off occasionally and show it who’s boss. You are the author of your own story. Never let people live rent-free in your head or expect you to be who they want you to be. You are who you need to be regardless of what that looks like to other people. Your story should be written by you and be whatever it is you want it to be.
But never
forget, you’re a miracle. You’re the tiny baby that wouldn’t give up and now
you’re 21 years old and drinking. You were tiny 5 minutes ago and now you’re
6’3. How you ended up getting so tall has always baffled me. Most preemies are
small as adults, but you said nope I’mma be big and strong anyway. You’ve always
blazed your own trail in this world, and I’ve never been prouder. So, whenever
you feel like you're failing remind yourself you are a miracle. The world is
lucky to have you in it and so am I. You are an amazing human being and that
will never change.
Hopefully,
you aren’t too hungover today, lol.
Happy Birthday, Bug.
Love always,
Mom