I get mad at being called dramatic a lot for someone who is in fact dramatic. Have you ever done self-reflection and thought well that’s rude that they’re right? Like I’m sorry, who gave you permission to know more than me? Meanwhile they’re over there just living and being a person. But you’re like giving them a side eye they definitely don’t deserve. Literally me anytime I’m mildly inconvenienced. I quit a lot for someone who does indeed not quit. Me complicated? How dare. I’m the least complicated person you will ever meet. For someone who has an invisible island to sell you.
It's always easier to assume other people are crazy than it
is to look in the mirror and go huh? I mean lets be real even I know I’m
insanely complicated. I just also happen to be silly and rarely serious. My hallucinations
learned how to knock on my office door like my boss does. Which honestly had me
so amused I laughed about it for a full five minutes. He knocks so he doesn’t
startle me and apparently my hallucinations have learned manners. I mean we
support all forms of personal growth in this house. Even if said personal
growth happens in the form of hallucinations it seems.
I’ve been MIA, I know, it’s not been intentional. I would
honestly like to know who hands out the last year was 5 minutes ago thing.
Because I swear it was Feb 1st literally two days ago. How did an
entire month fly by without me even realizing it? Time flies by when you’re
happy and content it seems. Mental health wise it’s been a quiet and uneventful
month. I genuinely don’t remember when they raised my Invega, but it’s been
pretty chill. I’m almost afraid to say it but it really was a pretty routine
month. Nothing big or scary has been on tap which is really cool. I still feel
all the mental illness when I wake up in the morning before I take my meds. There
was a couple of times I was ready to rage quit life only to realize I forgot to
take my meds. Once my meds were in me, I was like oh okay there I am. Haha. It’s
a lot like the I am not myself when I’m hungry and in enters a snickers bar.
Then poof, normal. So as long as I take my meds, and no one tests my crazy I’m
happy and fairly harmless. I still wouldn’t recommend testing the crazy because
meds only do so much heavy lifting. Haha.
Let’s see, on the life front, it’s also been pretty
uneventful. Lots of working, sleeping, and annoying the living hell out of the
world. I’m very good and quite committed
to annoying the living hell out of people. I can tell you one thing that absolutely
has become the bane of my existence. Psoriasis. Why on earth is that shit so
pissed off this time of year? The back of my poor neck is for lack of better words coming for my throat. I swear March and April don’t know if they want to be
the entire world is devoid of moisture or just plain moist. March has indeed
also chosen violence, and I already want a refund. Anyway, if you have a spare
bottle of car oil I can use as a moisturizer, that would be great. Haha. I
complain now but in no time, it’s going to be hi summer where did that sunburn
come from? Ugh. Is it lying on the beach time of year yet? If you got whiplash
imagine being in the brain that wrote that. 😊
I’m that person in the office people can’t figure out. They’re
like she is so quiet, but also does she talk? Then I talk and they all go “Oh
she’s the funny one.” When I want to be the center of attention, I have that in
the bag. I have always been pretty outgoing but if I want to be left alone my
RBF will do the heavy lifting. Thankfully for the people at work I’m usually in
just needs caffeinated or funny mode. But dear god don’t let me get cornered by
the one chick who never shuts up. I’m still not completely convinced she’s
breathing. I swear she just vomits words at an alarming rate for absolutely no
good reason. I would ask her if she’s good but that would require me to get
pulled into a conversation and no thank you. She’s a great person. I’m just not
good at not disassociating when someone talks forever. Cause then I feel bad
because I wasn’t listening, but my brain is on big overload and it’s a whole
thing. Haha. Nah for real though I have a really great job I absolutely love
with a really dope boss. I get to hangout by myself the majority of the time so
it’s pretty chill.
We were having a meeting the other day and before it this
older lady was asking me if I liked being by myself a lot. I was like yea I
have schizo so it makes it a lot less awkward sometimes. Bless her she was like
“oh my godddd, I think I have that.” I wanted to hug her because she’s adorable
and genuinely one of my favorite people. No one has ever made me feel more seen
and included in life that that moment right there. It’s like a secret handshake
but corporate mental health club. No oh man you’re bonkers. Or excuse me while
I sit wayyyyyyyyyy over here, so I don’t catch your germs. Nope she just smiled
and was like omg me too and wanted me to listen to her issues. Like yes queen
thank you for coming to work today. May we all strive to be as happy and
unbothered as her.
Life’s tough, our political environment is toxic as fuck,
and we’re all just trying to survive. Sometimes you just gotta enjoy those
little moments that are nothing but fun. Not only is it good for your mental health,
it’s also good for your body. So next time life gets ugly go laugh about the
silly things in life. Your blood pressure is definitely going to thank you even
if your wrinkles don’t. I always knew I was going to have a face that looked
like a road map when I was old as dirt. But that’s okay I’ve earned ever single
one of them. Who needs perfection when you can just be happy.
~Until next time, be good to each other. ~