In a couple of days, 2024 will come to a close and everyone will have shiny new resolutions to break. I’m of course still going to be the hot mess you already know and love. I think last year I may have set hopes for the coming year. I’m going to do that again this year, I think. Armed with my lucky veggie pork and sauerkraut of course. I still don’t know where that tradition comes from exactly. But I love sauerkraut so you will hear no complaints from me. My neighbors might mind but I’m still making it. Though I kinda hope it’s not 5000 degrees when I make it. Why does it feel like spring outside? I swear I will die on the hill that Ohio is more bipolar than I am. Okay stop laughing that’s mean. Haha.
The week
between Christmas and New Year is so confusing. If I get any more tired, I will
sleep until the new year shows up. Does anyone know what we are supposed to be
doing right now? Cause I have no idea. I do know I had to work, and my brain
was 99.9% absent. I’m still not sure when I’m expected to be in the office
next. The last time I saw my boss he said eh you figure it out. So apparently,
I can go back whenever I want to? Don’t offer me time to not wear shoes, sir. I
will take it and live there. Shoes and bras are the root of all evil and should
be ignored as long as humanly possible. Tho I am starting to wonder if my feet
have forgotten that dress shoes are a thing. So, the new year will be exciting for
everything but my feet. Haha.
Mental health-wise,
it’s been pretty quiet on that front, so I’m kind of afraid to poke it. So, we’ll
just pat it and back away quietly, so we don’t anger it. I’m going into the new
year as medically stable as I have been in literal years. My bipolar has decided
that it can indeed keep its hands in the cart at all times. It hasn’t played
tug a war with my emotions as often, so we’ll take that as a solid win. I still
think jumping off of a bridge sounds good at times. But ya know if my brain isn’t
a little spicy at times it wouldn’t be my brain.
So, what
exactly do I want to happen in 2025? I don’t really know. I know I want to stay
happy, stay medically stable, and take over the world. Kidding. No taking over
the world for me. That’s way too much pressure and I’m kinda lazy. I can’t even
imagine half of the amazing things that could happen. I’m at a point in life
where I’m just happy to have a seat at the big kid's table. For so long I felt
like my life was at the mercy of my mental health and to a degree it is. But it
doesn’t feel much like that anymore. Now it kinda feels like I get to build my
life day by day and I like it better that way. It’s nice to feel some semblance
of control return to my life. I know I’ve held the key the entire time but
sometimes that key felt lost. Now it feels like it’s in the pocket of my
backpack with the rest of the keys. There’s a freedom in that. A freedom I wasn’t
sure I’d ever feel again but here we are. Sometimes it feels like all things do
is fall apart until they start falling back together. It’s incredibly dope to
watch things fall back together knowing they’re actually going to stay together.
Half of life
is surviving the other half is believing in the impossible. I used to be really
good at believing in the impossible and just waiting for cool stuff to happen. Then
I wasn’t and the entire world scared the living shit out of me. Let's be honest
sometimes it still scares the shit out of me. But a big thing I want to take
into 2025 is hope. Hope I’ve learned is where the belief in the impossible
resides. Sure, you can think you're entitled to something you aren’t. There’s
always room for error. But hope is the key that unlocks the possibility of
everything good happening. Yes, hard work is important, and it does play a big
part in big things coming to fruition. But if you didn’t hope they could you
wouldn’t be working so hard to make it happen. So, half of life is trying to
stay afloat, and the other half is manifesting that dope thing you are working hard
to achieve. If I learned anything in 2024 it’s not to laugh in the direction of
manifestation, it will laugh at you. Because you can manifest bad things. You
can spend so much time stuck in your negativity and self-doubt that you
manifest those things. It’s scary to hope. It’s scary to fall in love. It’s
scary to plan your future. But the underlying story is hope. You hope because
your heart wants it. You believe because your heart needs it. You make it
because your mind knew it could.
So, while we write
those fancy shiny New Year’s resolutions don’t forget to add a dash of hope.
Add some “I wills” and sprinkle in a bunch of “it happened.” Set yourself up
for success by believing success is an option and not a possibility. This time
next year you might just close the year out as impressed as I am today. The
universe definitely knew what it was doing. I didn’t so much but it had it all
planned out. So, I won’t go into the new year with any resolutions. But I am
going with a bunch of hope and some pretty nifty plans for the future. See you
there.
~Until next time,
be kind to each other.`