Three weeks and two hurricanes later I’m a lot tired and even more grateful that the fam is good. My heart goes out to everyone south of Milton because those storm surges are not fun. We had something similar happen on the barrier islands from Helene. It’s October, can Mother Nature calm down so we can enjoy spooky season without it turning into a real-life jump scare? Anyway, back here in Ohio it seems that hell’s front porch has finally gone back to wherever it belongs. I even had to break out my leather jacket! I was so happy. I love the Fall weather so much. Plus, it means we might be nearing our first frost of the season and then ragweed can also go to hell.
I need
October to restart because it’s going way to fast, and I really love October.
So, if any month deserves a restart, it’s this one. I may be a bit biased on
that one but still. My boss the other day was talking about Thanksgiving and I
lowkey wanted to take his temperature. Like I get liking Thanksgiving, tho I
hate it, but it’s literally October. Why do you want to be hungry for an entire
month? You know how you see a train wreck happening but can’t look away or stop
it? Literally me with my M&Ms a second ago. Thankfully they only rolled
into me vs the wild blue yonder that is the floor of my apartment.
The spicy
brain is slightly less spicy and enjoys the higher dose of antipsychotic. But I
did see a horse walking down the road the other day in complete bafflement.
When did horses just start magically appearing in the middle of the city? I
personally found that hallucination hilarious because it was a pretty horse
even if it wasn’t real. Though I will be writing a strongly worded complaint to
the person who just stands and looks at me in my office at work. I mean I could
just put a skellie there, but my boss would have a heart attack and die, and I
don’t look good in stripes. So, I might have to figure out how to cope with
that one unless it disappears soon.
In the
chronicles of I’m old as shit and unprepared. I hurt my knee yesterday
literally walking. How does one hurt themselves by strictly existing? I think
at some point our bodies decide to play a game of can I. Mine has decided if I
am determined to exist and be mobile it has to hurt. So not only do I have
work, home, and backpack anxiety meds I also have ibuprofen everywhere. I kinda
wonder if I’mma have a stomach by the time I’m actually old. Like I’m cool if I
don’t but it would be painful without one. But yolo I suppose.
There’s a
saying, “Be a good person but don’t waste time proving it.” I am perfectly okay
being the villain in people’s stories. What I’m not okay with is people being
class-A douchebags when they’re supposed to be my friends. There’s another
saying that goes like this, “what you know to be true about yourself is your
business. What other people think of or say about you isn’t your business.” I
don’t really care what people think of me and never really have. I’m not
wasting my time worrying about or trying to change what other people think or
feel. Want to think I’m a terrible person? Cheers. Enjoy yourself. Everyone is
the villain in someone’s story after all.
We don’t get
a do over in life or a pause button. I could definitely use a pause button I’m
not gonna lie. Because sometimes naps in certain places would be hella helpful.
Haha. Like ohhhh that was stressful, hit pause, and wake up refreshed and ready
to go. Who am I kidding I don’t know what waking up refreshed even feels like.
I’m always more on the troll side of waking up. But at the end of the day this
is my story and I’m the one who dictates when, how, why, or if it’s told. No one
else holds the pen in my life story but me and that’s how it should be for all
of us. And sometimes doing that requires good friends to become people you used
to know.
I’m just over
here trying to live a life I love on my own terms. Because not everyone can
forgive and forget. Not everyone or every situation deserves forgiveness. You
don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. I don’t owe
anyone anything, but I owe myself everything. I was born with a deck stacked
against me. There’s a lot that being adopted stole from me that I can’t get
back. There’s a lot struggling with serious mental illness has stolen from me
as well. Had I known my parents and my birth family we might have known to
check for certain things. I probably wouldn’t have struggled in many of the
ways I have in life. I probably would have been a better person and found my
place in the world as a normal kid.
When you grow
up in a place that isn’t yours with people who aren’t yours it’s traumatizing.
It’s really weird to me to be told someone was close to me when they don’t
actually know anything about me as a person. Knowing me in the physical sense
doesn’t equal me being close to someone. You can know people for decades and
still not actually know them. If we’re close, ask me what I know about you. The
answer is going to be extremely general because I don’t actually know you as a
person. What are my values, beliefs, weird things that amuse me, or how I cope
with things. If you can’t answer those extremely basic questions, then you know
nothing about me as a person. Those things are a fundamental part of who I am
as a person.
There are
pumpkin spice cookies with my name on them that demand to be eaten. But I suppose
I should also eat a salad. Adulthood is dumb. Haha.
~Until next
time, be good to each other.~