Pedestals

It is a very sleepy Saturday here in the Ohio River Valley. I had yesterday off work, so of course it feels like Sunday. I also took a really good nap, and you know what that means. It means I have no idea what planet I'm on because I'm super groggy. There's something that I've kind of been chewing on for a couple of weeks. In the million years this blog has existed, we've addressed artist, fame, and fan behavior many times. I've seen and heard some stuff lately that made me realize we probably needed to revisit some of this for anyone new to my world. 

First thing being artists are just people with cool jobs. There's nothing innately better about them than there is you. That would be like me saying, because I'm a writer with a sizable following, that I'm a better writer than you and therefore more important. Neither of those things is true. Yes, I'm a published writer as well as a blog author, but I don't do anything better than you. Because I have a sizable following on here also doesn't make me more important than anyone else. So when someone who has achieved any level of fame tries to put themselves on a pedestal, it's not a good look. Artists put their pants on the same way as the able-bodied public. 

Yes, they have talent, but so do you. Who do you think gives them their jobs? You do. You're the one buying, streaming, and promoting the music. You're the one buying merch and concert tickets as well as filling the pits and seats. They wouldn't have shit without the legions of fans they are blessed to have. Without you, they have no public, no fans, and no one to hone their craft for. They are simply normal human beings who are fortunate enough to have people who love and support their craft. But there is nothing innately better about them than there is about you. 

The fans make them "famous," and that fame can disappear overnight. Most artists will always have their stans or super fans, but they make up a very small portion of an overall fanbase. Most people aren't going to fight for an artist's career if it involves any level of grandiosity or makes them feel indebted to said artist. They'll simply move on to a new artist they do feel appreciated by. People are going to go where they feel appreciated genuinely. They're far more open to the idea of paying good money for stuff when they feel like the artist truly cares that they exist. People don't part with hard-earned money to fill seats of ungrateful or self-centered artists. You can be as talented as you want to be or as attractive as you want, but if you're as deep as a puddle, you will lose your appeal. Fans are fickle, and they should be. If they're going to give someone a career, then they should be important.

That doesn't mean the fans control the artists either. Being humble and grateful to the fans for your livelihood doesn't look like fan control. It looks like genuine fan appreciation, and people can tell the difference. No one is better than anyone, and everyone is on the same playing field. There are always going to be bad apples and people who disregard boundaries or form unhealthy relationships with artists. That unfortunately is just part of fame and having a public presence. Does that make those people shitty fans? It can. But again, that's a very slim portion of an overall fanbase. The majority of the fanbase just wants to chill, promote their favorite artists, and rock out at shows. Yeah, rocking out happens even at country concerts; it's called losing your voice singing along. haha. 

It is genuinely a huge pet peeve of mine when people put themselves on pedestals and act like fans are lucky to have them. Because genuinely fuck those people. Also, can y'all stop falling victim to scam social media accounts? Blue checkmark fam. If there isn't a blue checkmark, it's a fake account. No one is going to ask you for money or to talk on a different platform, I promise. We gotta use our noggins and deductive logic. Cause genuinely at the end of the day, your artist doesn't want people taking advantage of you anymore than you want taken advantage of. I can hear you saying, "What about smaller artists?" That's fair. You should make sure you're following their official account. A quick Google search of the artist will bring up their official account at the top of the search, even for obscure bands.  

You should feel wanted and appreciated by your artist and feel a sense of belonging amongst their fan community. If you don't, then it's potentially a toxic fan community or artist. Just remember you are all equals and should be treated as such. I know the bigger the artists get, the harder it can be to do meet-and-greets and such. But the artists who truly love and appreciate their fans do generally still do meet-and-greets regardless of level of fame. Plus, in this age of social media, a ton of artists interact with fans on social media. I do think it's pretty toxic if they don't. Because it takes ten seconds to show appreciation or to repost something cool a fan did. If a fan went out of their way to create an amazing piece of art, you can at least say thank you. Just a simple thank you will make that person's day, potentially week, or even year. It doesn't take a lot of effort to be good to your fans. No, they can't be online all day, every day, but all it takes is five minutes of scrolling to hit a bunch of tweets, Instagram tags, or TikToks people posted. You're going to be on social media anyway, so why not give the fans some love and attention?

It doesn't take a lot of effort to be good to each other. Let's do more of that on both sides of the equation.

~Until next time, be good to each other.~

Mother Nature is Insane

 We've had a tornado, a derecho, whatever that is, and historic flooding in two weeks. If someone doesn't come get Mother Nature and talk some sense into her, we're going to need to build an ark. I swear it's rained the entire month of August, and while I'm not mad about it. I'd prefer not to watch friends and neighbors lose everything to flooding. My kids were good, though it was one stressful two weeks worrying about them. One of the big homeless camps near the city was practically destroyed. Thankfully everyone was okay, but peeps are now taking donations to at least help replace their gear. It has to be terrible to have next to nothing and then have absolutely nothing in the space of a few hours. So I'm definitely happy to see people rally around that vulnerable group of people. Today is bright and shiny so far, so we'll take the wins where we can get them. So we'll just keep our fingers crossed that it stays that way for a bit.

I saw something on social media yesterday that kind of perplexed me and was also exhausting. It was a post that someone made complaining that a cashier said the credit card machine was bipolar because it was picking and choosing when it wanted to work. The lady was big mad and ripped the cashier a new asshole because "bipolar isn't a laughing matter." While I appreciate where she was coming from, it is indeed a laughing matter. I can hear you all collectively going What?!?! I tell those jokes all the time, and I am, in fact, bipolar. My take and the reason I would have just laughed with the cashier instead of getting offended is this. If you can't laugh about your mental illness occasionally, are you okay? I joke about being crazy all the time. I am, in fact, the owner of several complex mental illnesses. So why shouldn't you be able to laugh about it? Dude, can you imagine what a drag it would be to constantly be so serious about something you have no control over? If I'm not laughing about it, I'm ready to cry about it because it's a tough thing to deal with. So my stance is, please joke about it with me because it makes me laugh and we all need laughter in our lives.

I'll give you a good example, and I'm amazed at how many people didn't think it was funny. Last Wednesday at work, we took some emotional quiz about something or another. All of the questions had situational answers. So me being me, I picked sometimes on all of them because ya know the answers change based on context. Friday morning I was talking to my boss about it, and mans looked me dead in my eyes and said this. "With you, it depends on what voice or personality is running the show that day." When I tell you I laughed, I mean I DIED laughing. Like real tears and everything. Cause he's so right. It depends on when I took my meds, did I take my meds, how many symptoms are bugging me, and the list goes on and on. I was proud of his quick wit and congratulated him on cracking an excellent joke. But people took it so seriously, and it baffled me. It's okay and expected for people to laugh when someone says or does something witty that I am laughing about. It's really not that serious fam; it's okay to joke around with me. I'll tell you if I'm struggling, and that day isn't the best day for it. But please, for the love of god don't spaz out and think you can't joke with me. I would rather you joke around with me than make me sit in the seriousness that is bipolar, schizophrenia, ptsd, and anxiety all the time. I already know how serious and heavy it is. Joking about it makes the load a little easier for me to carry.

Otherwise, besides the weather, life has been pretty great. I'm 100% ready for Fall and starting to count down to knee surgery in a couple of months. I can't wait to get my pin fixed so I can once again be walking all over hells half acre. I've lost 30 pounds so far, so that's super exciting. It's the most success I've had losing weight. Someone at work said, "You're gonna disappear at this point." I was like god I hope so. Haha. One of my besties is scoping the stores to see when peak Halloween decorations are out so we can go shopping. I saw a coffin that said RIP my patience, and I need that more than I need sleep. So that's definitely going in the cart. But I'm hoping to find some cool stuff to decorate my cube at work and my apartment. I haven't properly decorated for Halloween in this apartment yet. I mean, I sleep with a jack o lantern pillow, and there are Halloween squishmellows chilling on the bean bag chair all year long. So I'm always kinda decorated. But I want to do more this year, so shopping it is. Plus, spending time with one of your best friends is peak relaxation and fun. Friend time is always good for the soul.

I rubbed my nose the other day, and my nose ring got caught on my ring on my finger. I was like, oh okay, is this the new your pocket catching on the door handle situation? It's fine though cause it's a hoop and it just yeets itself, so no harm done, but it definitely caught me off guard. I love how life is random and oftentimes silly for no reason at all. 

It'll officially be the ber months here in a few days, and that is indeed going to become my entire personality. With that, I'm sure will begin the influx of I hate when the weather gets dark and colder. I get it; seasonal depression is a bitch, and my heart goes out to you. But remember, I didn't shit on your favorite season. So let me have my pumpkin spice and days where I never have to close the windows, please. I wait all year for pretty colors and air smelling a little like burning leaves. We can commiserate and complain about winter though because that's an entire drag. haha. I guess I should be productive, or take a nap, who knows. I mean, I did adult yesterday, so technically I can cat today, right? 🙃

~Until next time, stay safe, and be good to each other.~

Choices

I'm fairly sure it's Sunday, though this week did kind of get away from me. I feel like the more aware of time I try to become, the quicker it moves, and I just lose track of it anyway. So I just kinda guess and hope for the best most of the time. haha. Does anyone follow astrology? Apparently Facebook thinks I'm an expert and filled my feed with a bunch of Lion's Portal Stuff. I don't know much about astrology other than reading my horoscope once in a while. But something that caught my eye was it referencing 2014 as the last time yesterday's astrological configuration occurred. Then it was talking about how on the 12th the portal closes, with it taking with it the hard times we've had since 2020. Which 2020 sucked for pretty much everyone, and the fact that there is diarrhea lettuce amongst us, I would still be leery. haha. But it was the dates that gave me pause.

As I was reading the stuff, I was like, why does 2014 stand out to me? Once I thought about it, I was like, oh well, that's creepy. Creepy in a good way, if that's a thing. The longtime readers of this blog will start nodding sagely here in a second. In 2014, I graduated from college, got my first ever corporate job, and Big C moved out. Yep. It's also the year my friendship with Jeff ended, and an entire new chapter of life started for me. I still, looking back, can't believe I managed to work full time at night and go to school full time during the day. But I had to do something because my relationship with Big C was over after a decade together, and I had three kids to support. So I did the impossible thing and graduated from college and scored a pretty good gig. It was the beginning of the life I have now. It was actually in college that they discovered I was severely dyslexic, which is why learning medical coding was so difficult. But my professor was determined to make sure I graduated, and I did. So I was reading this stuff, thinking, " Huh, that's interesting."

When anything mentions 2020, I'm like, dude, it sucked for the entire world. But it also sucked a lot for me personally. My beloved grandma died at 98 years old, and I had my mental breakdown right around the same time. It's wild for me to think about how many times my life has crashed and burned only to be rebuilt again. Am I still the same person I was in 2020? Not on any level. But in a really good way, which is probably weird to think about. We can get so busy living life and trying to survive that we sacrifice ourselves to other people's expectations. That grind that feels necessary might just choke out little sprouts of inspiration or guidance to be your more authentic self. People often have good intentions for us but no actual idea of what our paths in life are supposed to look like.

In 2013/2014, I could have taken the path of least resistance and taken one of two paths. One stay in a relationship that was decaying my very soul. Or take the easy way out and just raise my kids extremely poor. But neither answer was one I was willing to accept. I was going to graduate from college and make our dreams come true one way or another. I swear I didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time for over a year. But I don't regret doing what I had to do to give my kids a better shot at life and to give us all some peace. Looking at the growing pains from 2014 to now, they're very different from what I would have ever expected. The me that was in college, a full-time employee, and a full-time mom would have thought I was insane if I tried to explain how we would get here. But get here we did. It wasn't pretty; it was a lot ugly and a lot difficult, but we got here in the end.

Sometimes our paths in life aren't pretty or astrologically aesthetic. haha. But they are our lives, and all we can do is do our best with the circumstances we find ourselves in. Today we're all on really amazing paths in life, doing things we love and celebrating our healthy, happy relationships with each other. I had no idea it would take me falling apart for a new kind of respect to form between me, my kids, and all of the people I love around me. I can confirm that having a mental breakdown or major mania, some people call it, is terrifying. I'd like to never again do any of that again because no fucking thanks. I'll just take my meds and live a normal, healthy life, thanks very much. 

But like, what if there was something to this whole Lion's Portal thing? I can already hear some of you say there isn't. But what if there is? Hmmmm. That means that all the positive stuff they're talking about is ours. And you know what? After rebuilding my life twice in the last 12 years, I'll take as much good as the universe or a sale on Bath & Body Works candles will allow. Because I've earned some peace, some sunshine, and a whole lot of calm water ahead. There's nothing quite like looking hell in the face to make you sit and stare at rainbows and pretty sunsets a new way. 

Tomorrow I'll get up and log into a job I love, and tomorrow night I'll climb into a bed I love in an apartment I love and go to sleep. My kids are healthy, happy, amazing, and living their best lives. I'm healthy and happy doing the things that make my soul happy. Learning how to write music and songs, and spending time with my guitar are things that deeply bring me joy. Getting to celebrate the amazing friendships I've made with people all over the world is amazing. Being able to look myself in the face every day, knowing I'm happy and content for the first time since some very damaging storms, feels really rewarding.

This summer was definitely one for the memory books, and honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything. When the Lion's Portal closes on the 12th, I hope it takes all the bad and leaves all kinds of good. Some people find their spot to thrive early in life, and some of us have to fight extra hard for ours. Regardless, we all deserve the same peace, happiness, and ability to spread our wings and find our place to rest. It will be Fall soon, and summer will feel like a long time ago until festival season starts again. But this time I'm taking a little glimmer of summer through Fall with me. Because who said you can only have one happy place in life? We'll still be doing concerts until the end of November, and then it's time for them to replace my knee. It's been a crazy ride, but I'm really glad I'm still here to talk about it and to continue on.

Remember, even the darkest of days don't equal night. Morning comes eventually, and with it, the sunshine and the courage to keep going. Life gets better; it just takes time.

~Until next time, be good to each other.~

Augtober

It's doing I'm not even sure what outside, but it's Augtober, so who cares, really. I dug the Halloween decorations out of the closet last night, thinking I would decorate today. Instead, Jax and I sat and disassociated a chunk of the day away. Today is the 3rd anniversary of my beloved emotional support bestie's crossing of the rainbow bridge. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my tiny dude. They say time heals all wounds, but it doesn't. Instead, this one decorates for Halloween early and just chills.

I'm known for two things on the internet. One is my intense and unwavering love of music, and the second thing is this blog. It's lived in many stages and in many different versions of my life as I've grown up. It's still, of course, uniquely me and my view on the world around me. But it's had a lot of lives, and honestly I love that for all of us. People come, and people go in life, but what a cool thing to be able to grow and change in front of people. It's also cool how many amazing friends I've made all over the world. Some of you are a gazillion times cooler than I'll ever be. Festival season taught me a lot this year. One, spending an entire weekend jamming out with a cool hundred thousand of your closest friends is practically spiritual. And two, it made me realize I'm really genuinely ready to get my tattoo on my right hand. Then it's on to creating the tattoo that will cover all the scars on my left arm.

I think I've mentioned the hand tattoo a few times. But for any newbies, I've struggled with self-harm and suicide issues my entire life. Never more so than the last six years. Though the last year has been pretty calm, so maybe just the five years before it. I've had scars on my arm since I was 14 years old, and it's not like I can hide them. At this point, they take up the entire top of my left arm. Like they might as well be a damn spotlight on my mental health issues. Several years ago, I got a tattoo on my left forearm that covers the majority of my wrist because I knew I wouldn't cut my tattoo. About a year ago, the idea hit me that when I was ready, I should get a semicolon and music notes on my hand to signify my decision to live this life. That wasn't an easy decision to make, and honestly, I really did need to sit with it for a while. Because not only do I really want the timing to be right, but also I want to fit the person I am becoming.

Now it's time. Now I feel like I can walk into the studio and create something that will last the rest of my life that I'm going to be really proud of. Its purpose for being on the top of my right hand is much like the placement of the tattoo on my left arm. It's the first thing I'll see when I go to pick something up. It will be my reminder to breathe and pause to think through what is happening in my head. That might sound so simple to some people, but it's not so simple for everyone. Some people, like me, have to work at wanting to live every day. We don't wake up and think, " Yay, life." Some of us wake up and think, well, I guess we're doing this today. I wake up tired and groggy from my night meds and really don't want to human. I think a lot of us wake up and think, man, I did the thing yesterday; why do I have to do it again today? Haha. But that's the life that millions of people with mental illnesses struggle with every day. It's not unique to me. But what is unique to me is my thoughts and feelings about life. I need the reminder. I need the take a breath before you lose your shit reminder. 

So I'll have it in the form of a really dope hand tattoo I'll see every day. Will I cover my scars this year? I dunno. Just like the hand tattoo it has to be something significant to me and my journey. So who knows when that inspiration will strike, but it eventually will, I'm sure. 

So in a lot of ways, the second half of 2026 is going to be a period of intense personal growth on a few fronts. Musically, I'm still a dork and insanely in love with it in all forms. But I am taking some classes to learn things like sound engineering and...... songwriting. Don't scream so loud you'll scare someone. I figure it's past time that I learn how to do some of the things that give wings to my soul, and music is that thing.  I should have done it a long time ago, but life has a way of carving paths when it's ready. I don't think I would have used the gift at 20 or even 25 because it wasn't something I felt confident in. But after writing this blog and a gazillion other things for years and years, I figured now was time. I mean, I'm not getting any younger, though I've been informed I'm still not old. That's a bummer; I want to yell at kids and tell them to stay off my lawn. I'm probably never going to want the music turned down cause lets be real, I'm me. So maybe the lawn thing is coming down the pipeline eventually, once I casually obtain a lawn. That might take a while because I do not miss cutting acres of grass. It's like I don't miss shoveling a driveway that was longer than my life. So that's a solid no thanks for me. Maybe I'll just claim some sidewalk to yell at people about. Haha. Just kidding. 

So the rest of 2026 is going to be a fun adventure, and honestly I'm here for it. I'm thankful my boss couldn't care less where I get a tattoo as long as it's not on my face. And well, that's never happening because I like my face as it is. Well, except for these damn hooded eyes that like to fight for their lives against my winged eyeliner. One day I'll master that one, but today isn't going to be that day because it's Saturday and I'm lazy. Okay, more just wholly unmotivated to do anything with my face. I had a new olfactory hallucination happen last night, and I'm still a little pissed about it. If smelling soap at a ridiculous concentration isn't enough, this one is lotion. Like, brain, please pick a struggle and not all of them. Last week was visual hallucinations and a little bit of delusion. So not a good time. Then my brain says here smell lotion. I was completely done with my brain when I went to bed last night. Thankfully, so far it's behaved itself today.

So yea, if you wondered if I'm still crazy, I definitely am. But at least I'm fun crazy. I could be dangerous crazy, and that would be a nightmare for all of us. I'll stick to just being a danger to myself, thank you very much. I'm kidding; I'm a danger to only dust because it makes me sneeze. Hello, summer allergies, you rude pains in the butt. 

~Until next time, do something fun, make yourself promises that you'll keep, and as always, be good to each other.~