Nachos

I don’t care how long I sleep in on Saturday, I’m still never completely awake for hours. I can’t complain though because it’s a gorgeous day here in the Ohio River Valley. I want to walk later but the blister on the back of my foot promises retribution if I dare. I might risk its wrath anyway, but we’ll see how spicy I feel once I’m no longer groggy. As May rolls to a close and Mental Health Awareness Month comes to an end with it. I hope everyone is in a better place for it. I’ve seen a lot of healthy discussions happening and that’s really cool.

My life is kind of bizarre sometimes and it generally amuses me. I met the first woman this week who is completely disgusted by my appearance. That made me laugh. Men and women seem to have such different reactions and opinions on facial piercings. She’s the first person who has ever outright showed disgust. It’s 2024 and you would think piercings wouldn’t still be a taboo thing. But the reality is they aren’t super common in a lot of environments and people have strong opinions about them. Which is totally cool. People should have strong opinions about the things they like. For themselves not other people’s bodies. I do laugh when people tell me I should take them out though. I have viper bites, there are two permanent holes in my face. Those don’t just disappear if the jewelry is taken out. Plus, I like them, so they’re going to continue to live there.  

Mental health wise for me this week was very bipolar, lol. My brain is chewing on something, and I don’t exactly know what it is. I’ll eventually figure it out but for right now I have no idea. I blame it on not having my Adderall. People have to stop abusing this stuff because doctors are getting hella reluctant to prescribe it to the people who need it. I mean I even get distracted mid pee which is insane and hilarious. So, I am looking forward to my doctor’s appointment this week. But there has been a dead friend on my mind all week. We weren’t close at all towards the end of her life but for whatever reason she’s stuck in my head. She died young, maybe even the same age as I am now. Her life was sad I think, idk, she seemed happy at one point. She was really good to me, until I got sober, and then we drifted apart after she cheated on her husband. I’m not going to lie there was something weird on his part. He literally had a girlfriend in weeks after they split. And a chronic illness was suddenly cured out of the blue. So, we didn’t stay friends either.

His girlfriend, now wife, was always really weird around me. Like she thought I was trying to steal her man. I would never, homie was literally like a brother. There was and always has been zero attraction there. It’s weird to me the way people act around me sometimes. If I say your other half is not attractive to me, I’m not lying. Just because they have a thing for me doesn’t mean they have a shot in hell with me. I could and have always had my pick of men so I’m not chasing someone else’s man. I’ve also had a couple of guys want to leave their wives for me. I don’t understand that logic. If I’m not interested, I’m not interested. There’s no point in trying to shoot your shot if I already said I wasn’t interested. You’re just going to embarrass yourself and make it awkward because now I have to hurt your feelings.

So, idk exactly why that has been on my mind honestly. I haven’t thought about them in years. The parallels in our lives aren’t similar at all. Our personalities, the things we wanted out of life, and the paths we took were nothing alike. Thinking about it she did eventually have a kid, but I have no idea who he even is. He sounded like a gangster at like 9 so who knows who he is now. I’m the poor one in my family, and even so my life has never been like that. I was mopping the other day and remembering how her dog used to shit all over the floor in one room when he was put up during the day. She’d clean it like once a week. The house always smelled terrible. I have no idea why it was like that. I can’t imagine having a pet poop all over the house. Butter had lots of accidents toward the end of his life. But they got cleaned up and shampooed every day. Butter is actually the reason we bought a carpet shampooer. Jax could be a stinky booger, but we changed his pen a lot. He never used the bathroom on the floor though. He was litter trained and always used his litterbox. Luna and Pepper are also litter trained, as was Salem and Vi. Animals using the bathroom on the floor is just a strange thing to be used to.

I guess it all depends on how you were raised. I was raised in an upper middle-class environment. We had a nice house, we all had chores, and a clean house was a big priority for my mom. She has a really good eye for design, and we always had a nice-looking home. My house never looked perfect and even now doesn’t. I’m super guilty of clutter. Some people, most people, everything has a place, and everything goes in its place. For me finding places for everything was mentally mission impossible. Though I swear to God my kids dirtied every single dish in the house daily. I’m pretty sure they wore everything they owned daily as well. That laundry pile never went down no matter how much I did laundry. Thankfully they now do their own laundry. Haha.

So, it’s not like I actually care about what she would have thought. I’m going to be 46 in a couple of months so it’s not like I’m a kid who needs to measure up. She’s dead and I’m alive. She had her set of challenges and I have mine. She grappled for love, and I have always been loved. There’s no need to quantify anything I do. Yet she lingers in my mind. So, I really am genuinely baffled by it.

I got up this morning, took my meds, and now have to start on my chores. Today is like many of the days that have come before it and I love that. I like it when things are boring and predictable. My mental health enjoys it. Though I really do need to hang up my leather jacket. I’m pretty sure we have reached the part of the year that no longer requires a coat. My mental health is pretty chill today, so far not much in the way of my schizo symptoms which is cool.

Maybe next week I’ll have an epiphany to unveil but for now, the dishes aren’t going to put themselves away.

If you’re traveling this holiday weekend, be safe. Have lots of fun with friends and family, and remember the judge is out until Tuesday so don’t do anything stupid. If you’re drinking uber, don’t make any mistakes you will regret for the rest of your life.

~Until next time, be good to each other. ~

Marshmallows

 I’m pretty sure once you hit a certain age the universe just hands you a nap remote. Like here you have hit level 30 and boom suddenly naps are your favorite thing. I got excited about a sink stopper just now. Like how old am I? I’m like 90% sure summer is here to stay which I’m not really mad about. That week of Spring was cool but apparently, it decided to dip. But it left its tornado season so that’s definitely not part of the divorce agreement. Figuring out what to wear to work is kind of a pain in the ass. If it’s hot I wear a dress and then the wind decides I absolutely have to have a Marylin Monroe moment. If I wear dress pants, I’m panting like a dog on my way to work. Can someone tag me in the middle dress code plan cause I’m dying here. haha

I’ve done this blog thing for, lemme count, okay I’m too groggy to count. I posted my first blog post on here in June of 2008. (Granted everything is archived except for 2023 to present right now. I had it archived while I worked through a potential book format. So, it will be republished soon.) This blog from its conception has always just been me thinking out loud. It wasn’t until high school I began to understand I had a knack for writing. My 12^th grade English teacher whose name I genuinely can’t remember kept several stories to use for creative writing examples for future classes. I had in essence always been the dumb kid whose existence was kinda pointless.

Before the creation of this blog, I used to write online places and hope I didn’t get made fun of. The opposite happened. I amassed a following and their request was to create one sole place where all my writing was stored. From there Random Thoughts was born. Over the years my writing has evolved, and a lot of my life is contained in this blog. I never really think about it because it’s just a thing. I’ve done this for decades now.

Through that window I’ve grown up in front of you. I raised my kids, dealt with so many difficult life things, and it’s all been something you have been a part of. I guess in a way I forget that my life matters that greatly to people. You matter a great deal to me, but I forget that I matter so deeply to you.

I have been open about my struggles with my mental health. Laying yourself bare before the world isn’t the easiest thing to do. It comes with criticism and people can be mean, but if it helps just one person, it was worth it. It helps you. It’s worth it. No one wakes up one day and orders a side of bipolar or depression. I mean if they do, I’m not sure I want to understand their particular madness. Haha. But mental health really is one of those things that just kicks your ass and can be very alienating. It’s a special kind of hell to be locked in a brain that wants to die more than anything else. You hear a lot of grow up it’s not that big of a deal. Meanwhile you’re sitting on your bedroom floor choking on your own tears. Or cuddling a stuffie to do something with your hands so they don’t do stuff they shouldn’t. It’s wearing long sleeves and pants to hide your skin from view. It’s explaining cuts and scars to prying eyes that are judging your every move.

It's accepting the judgement of others knowing they will never understand or sympathize. It’s living with trauma that makes you want to peel your skin off. Or startling every time something falls or someone yells. It’s involuntarily flinching when someone reaches for you. It’s covertly transporting and taking your meds, so people don’t judge. It’s seeing the disappointment in the doctor’s eyes when you once again fall down that slippery slope. It’s understanding that other people’s happiness depends on your ability to be okay. It’s accepting that the people who love you are also afraid for you and there’s nothing you can do to ease that fear. It’s being uncomfortable in your own skin and never being able to escape. It’s living for other people because they can’t live without you. It’s accepting defeat and learning to forgive yourself for being broken. It’s learning not to punish or reward yourself with pain. It's doing the hard thing again, day after day, even when you’d give anything to go.

You’re fighting an invisible battle. You’re masking for the comfort of others. You’re faking being okay because the people who love you deserve peace. It’s digging deep down for strength you don’t really have. It’s waking up everyday to fight a battle that left you exhausted the day before. Nothing about living with a mental illness is normal or easy. It’s not for the faint of heart.

It’s also forehead kisses, hugs, and I believe in yous. It’s also knowing you are loved and wanted. It’s knowing that your life matters to them just as much as theirs does to you. It’s laughing at the dumb stuff and fist bumping over inside jokes. It’s knowing you’re safe with someone and your guard can be down. It’s knowing you can cry on their shoulder, and they still love you anyway. It’s having meltdowns and them sitting on the floor with you until you’re ready to stand up. It’s listening to your favorite song on repeat so many times it’s now a part of your personality. It’s eating in front of someone and trusting them not to stare at your shaking hands. It’s curling up for an afternoon nap to recharge just enough to do the fun stuff. It’s being silly and telling dad jokes because you can. It’s letting people in and trusting them to love you broken pieces and all.

There are so many shitty things about mental illness but there are so many great things about love. You’re going to find happiness in unlikely places. You’re going to bond with people you never expect to. You’re going to be raw and vulnerable with people who want to be raw and vulnerable with you. It’s always going to be the quiet one that blows your mind in the best way possible. It’s always going to be those millions of little unexpected things that add up to big things. You are going to be afraid of hope but somehow finding yourself hoping anyway. Things are going to seem impossible but yet possible is standing in front of you. You’re going to trip and fall and laugh about it endlessly. You’re going to form bonds with unlikely people. And you are going to love every single one of these things. Those things are the little things that balance out the pain.

There can be hell in your head and joy in your life. That is indeed a thing. Sometimes you’re going to cry like a baby because you’re happy. Or stare at someone a little too long because you missed their face. I don’t always have the right answers. Sometimes I have none of the answers. But I’m here today and I’ll be here tomorrow and maybe tomorrow, I’ll find the answer. But for today, I’m going to go make a salad and stay up way too late. Because that's apparently who I am now. Haha

~Until next time, be good to each other, and believe in tomorrow. ~

Michael's 21st Birthday Blog

We used to do these every year and there are a lot of them. They mark your life as you grew up to be who you are today. All of those adorable quirks of yours, silly moments in history, and life lessons are captured in this blog. I will eventually turn this blog into a book and you'll have your own chapters. A tangible story to hold and come back to when you need to. But there is one part of your story that has never been told. You've heard bits and pieces told over the years. But now on your 21st birthday, it seemed fitting it was told. You've done big things these last couple of years. This last year was a huge challenge and your triumph so incredible to watch. Learning how strong we are as people is often incredibly difficult and often painful. But some strengths we're just born with and you baby boy are one of the strongest there is.

You always hear people talk about miracle babies and sometimes I wonder if you know you are one. Mental health is tough and being an adult isn’t always easy. But you fought so hard to be here. We always joke about how sick I was when I was pregnant with you, and I was. But what we don’t talk about is how strong your will to survive was. From almost the moment you were conceived our bodies decided to yeet the other one. Haha. I had my first major bleed with you when I was only 24 weeks (6 months) pregnant. They told me if I could make it to 28 weeks (7 months) then you had a 50/50 shot at survival.

They put me on bed rest and doing anything more than showering made me bleed again. The bleeds were insanely painful and incredibly scary. Your food source was broken yet you thrived. Through three massive bleeds, you continued to thrive and make me puke. At that point, I was happy to puke because it meant you were holding on. It was a race against time, and you won. When I hemorrhaged that last time that put me in the hospital, we thought that was it. My body was barely hanging on and bleeding more every day.

They did an amnio on a Monday a couple of days after my hospital stay began. They were hopeful that your lungs would mature, and they could take you via emergency cesarian. Your lungs weren’t ready and so started what we thought would be a long hospital stay. Apparently, you had other ideas because a few short days later on Friday I started leaking amniotic fluid. You were coming into this world ready or not as the emergency cesarean followed that discovery. You came into this world screaming. Your Dad and I looked at each other like "wow." Your lungs were perfect. Some how in four days you said okay now I'm ready. You were healthy and whole and somehow even a month premature a whopping 7 pounds 11 ounces. I don't know who was more surprised us or the doctors. And so your adventure began.

You continued to thrive despite getting sick more easily than most. If there was an award for determination and stubbornness you would definitely have a gold medal. That fire has dimmed at times but never faltered. I hope you never lose that edge and always find time to hone it.

Life has and is going to feel big and scary a lot of times in your life. Whether it be mental health, work stress, or just general life nonsense. Growing up isn’t always an easy thing to do. You won’t always have the right answer and that’s totally okay. When people have kids, they usually have a preset idea of who they want their kids to be. Don’t be afraid to flip life off occasionally and show it who’s boss. You are the author of your own story. Never let people live rent-free in your head or expect you to be who they want you to be. You are who you need to be regardless of what that looks like to other people. Your story should be written by you and be whatever it is you want it to be.

But never forget, you’re a miracle. You’re the tiny baby that wouldn’t give up and now you’re 21 years old and drinking. You were tiny 5 minutes ago and now you’re 6’3. How you ended up getting so tall has always baffled me. Most preemies are small as adults, but you said nope I’mma be big and strong anyway. You’ve always blazed your own trail in this world, and I’ve never been prouder. So, whenever you feel like you're failing remind yourself you are a miracle. The world is lucky to have you in it and so am I. You are an amazing human being and that will never change.

Hopefully, you aren’t too hungover today, lol.

Happy Birthday, Bug.

Love always,

Mom 

Making Changes

I’ve never really talked about religion or politics on here out of respect for my international audience. Only 20% of my readership is from the USA and that has been consistent for over a decade. This has always been a safe space for people of every origin and that will never change. But Imma discuss some of the things happening in the world around us. There will be no taking sides in this blog, a lot of dissing my own country. haha. But no real divisive topics out of respect for you so don't be afraid to read on. 

There is a social media revolution happening and nothing could make me happier. I’ve always said if you wanted to change the world stop making stupid people famous. I might not have said it on here specifically but I've always thought it. We have these really wealthy people just flaunting their power and prestige. Famous for absolutely nothing but yet they are worshiped. I’ve never understood why people feed into that machine, but they always have in droves. Granted some of these people are musicians or in some way people who have been paid for a product. But with a large platform does come with the responsibility of that person to stand up for the greater good. Donating money to charity is all well and good but it's also a tax write off. People need champions who are trying to use their money and attention to help make the world a better place. Not horde money away and chill in a glass castle while everyone else suffers. 

I mean you do spend your hard earned money and scarcely available time on these people. Looking out for you should be a requirement of such power. Lizzo said famous people don't have as much power as we think they do. That's a lie and we know it. With that extremely large following comes a lot of power. You have a huge influence on the large number of people that follow you. We know this because of their brand deals, custom lines of products, etc. You will by the shoes if your favorite celebrity wears them. Like we aren't stupid everything they do is marketed a certain way. Taylor is a very talented woman but she's also an extremely good business woman. She knows exactly how to utilize her fan base and always has. Take Justin Bieber for example, if he follows it you'll follow it. If he supports it you'll support it. They already have tons of money. They don't need more. But they want it and they get it by marketing things in a way that you feel like your life is less if you don't have it. 

They glamorize things that bankrupt you instead of benefit you. That shit is not affordable by regular people. Why are you making it if it's not affordable to regular people? A $20 CD is a lot of money to a 15 year old kid. So to have a hoodie be $165 is asking a lot. It's literally two days work of salary for some people. Two days. I mean I guess if you're lucky enough to make $20 an hour it's only a day and a half worth of pay. But come 'on, we know in the US that's not what minimum wage is and a LOT of people are minimum wage workers. Parents should not have to starve to make sure their kid is dressed in the latest fashion.

They can unite the masses in a way that helps mankind. But they choose not to and that is a crime against humanity as a whole. Because they can and they won't and that's a huge problem. They shit the same way we do. They put their pants on just like us. They don't deserve to be on a elite pedestal just because they're talented. 

May is mental health awareness month and believe it or not these subjects go together. In the US, we can’t even afford basic needs like food. You can work two jobs and still end up homeless. You never hear people mention the word depression but we’re living in one. If you have a car, you can’t afford a car payment, insurance, gas, and in some areas parking. You can have two, maybe, but there’s no way you can have all three unless you skip buying food. Rent is astronomical, the streets are lined with homeless people and children go to bed hungry every single night in this country. Our veterans have the shittiest healthcare there is and mental healthcare is a luxury. If you can afford the doctor’s appointments, you can’t afford your meds. If you afford both you are eating $1 noodles for months because it’s all you can afford.

Yet we have these wealthy idiots who make profiting on the working poor literally their job. Genocides are happening in other countries; aid is being sent from our country to the wrong side. We’re losing our rights every single day in this country. Decisions are being made by old white men who are so out of touch with what it’s like to be us. Whether it be Palestine, Congo, Haiti, or somewhere else where there is really terrible shit happening. Virtually none of our famous/wealthy people care. One person could give away a cool couple of million and make a huge difference, but they don’t, and they aren’t going to unless they are made to.

So, this social media revolution is literally one of the best things that could happen in the US. Plus, it’s election year. So, it’s not looking good for our government. Especially when everyone is sick to death of the people in charge. People say the world follows what the US does. So, I sincerely hope this change comes to you as well in a positive way.

So, what does this all have to do with mental health? Is it any wonder depression is such a huge deal right now? We’re miserable and miserable people aren’t going to be happy and enjoying life. If you’re one of the people who live comfy good for you. The rest of us aren’t. Most of us feel impotent to do anything to change the situation, or at least did. Now people feel empowered, they feel like they have a choice. Yes, the choice existed the whole time, but people don’t always see it right away. If you’re living in a place that makes living such an incredible struggle your morale is going to be low. You’re going to feel more suicidal the more impotent you feel.

You’re not only broke as hell you’re watching other human beings suffer atrocities that shouldn’t be a thing. It’s hard to take that step back and really give yourself some love and mental reprieve from what is happening around you. It’s a terrible thing to live in a mind that just can’t handle what is happening around you.

It’s also worse if you don’t have access to care, you need mentally and emotionally to be at a place where you feel there is help. I can’t necessarily fix your world but let me help you out mentally. I think everywhere has grass. If not, find a tree. Or even sand would work to be honest. Anywhere that you can reach the ground without streets, sidewalks and other man-made things that cover the ground. Go stand on the ground or put your feet on whatever is available. Do it for ten minutes, 15 if you have time. Let your body align with the earth. You will feel more at peace. Even better if you can do some deep breathing while you are doing it. Or thinking about something you really want to happen that is positive. Do that a couple of times a week. If at a minimum it will help restore balance in you internally.

I always thought that kind of stuff was bogus until I tried it. It’s become one of my favorite things to do when I’m really stressed out. It’s hard to take care of yourself when you don’t have the time or resources. But even a couple of minutes and being as kind to yourself as you are able helps. You may not be able to change your situation right this second, but you can try and make it more tolerable. The block out 2024 is such a great thing. Put the money back into the people’s pockets who need it most. Donate what you are able, but no one is going to blame you if you can’t afford to donate money. Participating on social media will make a big difference even if you can’t donate. Seriously if you have a few extra bucks and mentally just want to buy a comfort food buy the food. If you want to splurge on a new shirt buy the shirt. Social and economic change takes time and you need to also be kind to yourself mentally and emotionally when you struggle. Especially if you are in a position where you are unable to get the help you need. Never forget you’re busy trying to survive as well and in order to do big things you need to mentally and emotionally be ready to do those big things.

Try not to let life burn you out because if we work hard enough better times are on the horizon for all of us. Michael Jackson wrote plenty of songs on what would become of this time in history. He was annoyingly astute, (I love him sm), and we didn’t listen then but it’s time to listen now. We are in a unique position through social media like TikTok to band together in ways we never have been able to do before. Which obviously is why the US government is so hellbent on getting rid of TikTok. And to think all it took was an unneeded Met gala and one completely out of touch social media influencer to be the reason we all said we’re done.

I'll use Justin and Taylor as an example again. Being famous and having money doesn't make them inherently bad people. It just means they need to do more with their money, time, and social influence. People say they earned that money. fair, they did. We gave it to them. We need their help. If they care they'll help us because we need it. If they don't it speaks volume about them and their priorities. Taylor is a huge donator of money, she did great things with her Eras tour. I will never disagree with you there. I genuinely love her to pieces. But she also made bank, with money no one had to spare. So there's that. 

I know this has been a heavier blog and we won’t focus on politics, religion or necessarily the horrific things happening around the world all the time. I know you all come here for a mental escape and a space to just be. This will always be a safe space for you mentally and emotionally. So turn up the music and enjoy as much of life as you can. Remember, your heroes can still be your heroes even if you need to nudge them into action. You don't have to hate them, and honestly, please don't hate them. Unless they're a stupid person we made famous for absolute no reason. Looking at you aIMee and your merry band of idiots. 

As always, I love you, please take care of you, and continue to be the badass I know you are.

~Until next time, be good to each other, and yourselves. ~

Embarrassment

 It’s a rainy day in the Ohio Valley and honestly, I’m not mad at it. Also, before I forget happy May the 4^th as well. I’m still not entirely sure what that all means but I know some of you love it. Though I can say thanks to Lauren I do know it’s a Star Wars thing. But that’s about it. Haha. So, I found out the movie The Crow is being rereleased in theaters for the 30^th anniversary at the end of this month. I’m not going to lie I cackled when I heard that. Before you get me wrong, it is indeed my favorite movie, and my oldest son is named after Brandon Lee. But you know that they’re doing another Crow movie using Eric and Shelly right?

It’s a different actor playing Eric but it’s the same storyline. Whoever thought Eric needed to be modernized obviously forgot the original is beloved. So, the whole world is angry about it and that movie hits theatres in August. So now everyone will be watching the new movie (if they bother) through the lens of the original. It serves them right because Eric is Brandon's. It always has been and always will be. I mean the man literally died filming that movie. Leave Brandon’s legacy alone. So of course, I’ve already bought tickets because there is no way I’m going to miss the 30^th anniversary release.

Ahhhh to be a teenager in the 90s. It was a really good time.   

Happy Mental Health Awareness Month. They say every 1 in 4 people struggle with some form of mental illness. So, it’s pretty much a guarantee everyone knows at least one person who is mentally ill. The biggest take away I want people to get this year is the concept that you aren’t your mental illness. Yes, you have a mental illness, but you aren’t your mental illness.

There’s nothing wrong with the person that you are. Yes, your reality looks a little different than other people's. But their reality looks different than other people's too.  It’s the whole grass is greener thing. We all get tired of being on the mentally ill train. I know I do. Juggling meds, psychosis, doctor appointments, and the mood swings all feel overwhelming sometimes.

But also, the psych med hot girl stomach. Like why? We definitely didn’t sign up for that. If you know you know and if you don’t know I am so happy for you. Cause it’s a whole lot of bogus.

You really aren’t a “weirdo”, and you aren’t broken. You don’t deserve it and you didn’t do anything wrong to earn it. Don’t let people tell you are too much or guilt you into feeling like a burden or being inauthentic. Like I’m sorry it’s inconvenient for them but hello it’s not convenient for you either. Your heart isn’t broken, nor are any of the gazillions of other good characteristics you have as a person. You’re still sunshine and rainbows in someone else's thunderstorm. You still have so much about you that lights up people's worlds.

It’s just “a” thing not “the” thing. The thing is you as an entire being and mental illness doesn’t change your worth as a person. If I judged my worth on my mental illness, I’d be a severely bounced check. The kind of bounced check you have to file bankruptcy to escape, and it still might follow you.

You are still this uniquely beautiful human being. You’re still that really dope friend people want to hang out with. You aren’t you just because you deal with some form of mental illness. Like whatever that cute quirk you have is still a cute quirk even if you get depressed. You’re not alone and you should never feel ashamed of who you are. Even when you feel alone, and the sky is falling in on you. Someone is watching you and learning how to survive and love themselves. It’s the whole I was going to quit but I looked behind me and saw who was watching. Everyone has a tribe even if you haven’t found it yet.

People say but they’re alone and they have no friends. Or I’m single and no one loves me. None of those things are true. Well, you might be single, but you aren’t single because no one loves you. We as human beings are herd animals and there is always someone who loves you. You just might not be able to see them because you’re in your head. What you think about yourself is who you become. When you say you don’t have friends, and everyone ignores you. Are you actually trying to join the conversation or are you stuck in your unhappy view of yourself? Do you know how to join the conversation? Again, herd animals. If you say hi someone is going to say hi back if you do it enough. Ask someone about themselves and watch them not shut up when they see they have a captive audience. People love to talk about themselves. So let them talk. That my friend is a positive human interaction and the way you can make friends.

Just don’t like trauma dump on them. Maybe start with your favorite season or food. More adults play video games and hangout on discord than you think. More adults age regress in person space than you’d think. No one wants to put everything out there and feel embarrassed. That feeling of potential embarrassment is really painful and a big reason why people with mental illnesses stay to themselves. But just remember embarrassment is a two-way street. You might be embarrassed and staying within yourself but if you actually said something they’d probably say, “oh god me too.”

No one commiserates quite as well as two people stuck in a boring meeting, and they need caffeine. I’ve made many friends with the omg is it over yet expression. Nine times out of ten someone has to cough to cover a laugh. Like we’re all thinking it, I was just the one to vocalize it. But ah, keep it like nebulous like that. Haha. Keep those inside thoughts inside, especially at work, when you don’t really know your audience. Don’t just barge in and say you hate your boss. Or need to talk about the weirdo blowing up the toilet a minute ago. Your more reserved people will be laughing on the inside but on the outside just look quietly perplexed. Don’t ask me how I know. Hahaha. We all literally say or do the wrong thing sometimes and just walk away thinking FILTER. Damnit, where is my filter? OMG I can’t ever make eye contact with that person ever again. Then you do, everyone is amused and comfy, and life moves on from there.

You have a mental illness. You are not a mental illness.

Now go be a ball of sunshine, or well since its night, a teddy bear. Whichever is more fitting for your current situation.

~Until next time, be good to each other, because you’re all worth it. ~